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Thursday, January 25, 2007

(CHICAGO)(January 25, 2007) The Republican Party Army of the Potomac is dispirited and demoralized. There are murmurs of rebellion in the ranks. Washington has just fallen to the Democratic Party Army. Is there no hope? Well, yes, there is.
In politics, it pays to be lucky. Just ask Barack Obama. And George Bush. Both men went from obscurity to national office due to happenstance and sheer luck. But they made it.
And Bush may be on the verge of becoming lucky again. Only this time he will have to make his own luck, not inherit it.
Republicans are trembling at the imminent passage of the “non-binding resolution” decrying Bush’s “surge” in Baghdad. Georgie, you’re a lucky boy.
The Democratic Party Army is inexorably morphing into the Kabuki Army. If you feel “Kabuki” is too stereotyping a term, please substitute the “Alphone and Gaston Army.”
Why is Bush lucky? Because if he has to have an adversary on Capitol Hill, the Kabuki Army is the best adversary possible.
“Cognitive dissonance” is the condition where someone believes one thing and does another. We might also call this the Cognitive Dissonance Congress. Or the Contradiction Congress.
Senator James Webb went on TV to rebut Bush’s state of the nation and said “If Bush doesn’t do it, we will.” Well.
Congress indeed has the power to “do it,” by law. But no one is expecting imminent passage of a law to order the troops withdrawn or to suspend funding for their mission as part of the withdrawal process. Instead, Democrats are trying to have it both ways, trying to claim a belief in the wrongness of the surge while taking limp-wristed steps to stop the same program. (This reminds me of Barack Obama's religious beliefs, but I won't go there today.)
Is it any wonder this weekend we are likely to see the left protesting in Washington? Against the Democrats?
We all know politicians are hypocrites. But the Kabuki Congress is taking duplicity to new levels of artistic performance. Like a carefully choreographed Kabuki dance, Democrats are simultaneously mouthing “support for the troops” and opposition, though a “non-binding opposition,” for the policy the troops are there to enforce.
The U. S. senate is confirming a new commander in Baghdad, and promoting him to four stars, while telling the good General David Petraeus that his mission is malarkey. Talk about support. And cognitive dissonance.
I feel the Democrats are about to “swift boat” themselves. And they don’t even know it. Talk about repeating the past.
If Bushie came to me (and he hasn’t called yet) I would say, “Bushie (no obsequious “Mr. President” for me), give’em hell.” Do a Truman. Attack, attack, attack. Point out the gross inconsistency and world-class hypocrisy in praising a general and condemning his mission, in saying the mission is wrong but not having the guts to stop it.
Luckily, our men and women in Iraq have more guts and, one hopes, more brains that their Kabuki Army detractors in Congress.
As Joan Rivers would say, Bushie, “Can we talk?”
I marched against the invasion of Iraq in Washington on January 18, 2003. I marched in New York. I couldn't believe Bush would be stupid enough to invade. I couldn’t believe Powell would believe the nonsense he was being spoon fed. I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I couldn’t. But they did. And I ended up in Baghdad a few days after Saddam went undercover.
I preached from the minarets: this is wrong, and going wrong. And getting worse. I exposed corruption and incompetence. My payback: Bushie and Bremer trashed me while lifting weights together in the White House. Bremer got my award. Life’s not fair.
So why am I now predicting Bush could win his war against the Kabuki Army? Have I switched sides? Not really. We call’em the way we see’em. And right now the Kabuki Democrats (not to be confused with the Atari Democrats) look primed for a big fall--if only Bush will seize the initiative and become a bold leader.
We were reminded a few days ago that our late President Ford once said, “I’m a Ford, not a Lincoln.” It is time for a President who is a Lincoln. I come from the Land of Lincoln. I know. Just ask me.
How does Bush counterattack and defeat the Kabukis on Capitol Hill? First, just keep telling the people the truth.
Bushie, I know it’s painful. But just keep saying “I got bad advice.” Everyone will believe you because no one thinks you know anything about foreign affairs. Just say “We made mistakes. Big mistakes.” Mean it.
But then say “What the Kabuki Democrats are doing is a disgrace to America. We can and will get it right.”
And remember, you live in an American Idol era. Be entertaining, be forceful, be dramatic and most of all be persistent and repetitive. My professor in undergraduate school who got me started in politics, Louis Volpp, used to say “There is no repetition for undergraduates.” And there is no repetition for Americans. We have a short attention span. We want instant gratification. And we are lazy. We want it bite-sized and digestible. We have the attention span of (insert choice, but please abuse no animals). So say it over and over again.
Tell the people what another great American statesman (who shall remain anonymous in the interests of computer decency laws) once said: “Help is on the way.” Tell’em “I will not abandon General Petraeus and neither should the American people.” Over and over again.
Why do I feel for Bushie? Because I have always liked the man, even on my talk radio program, while I hated and condemned his policies. And, in the hour of danger and disaster, I will not abandon my president. Bushie, invite me to the White House and I will give you a big, fat kick in the butt, and say ”Just do it.” And, “Be a Lincoln.”
Yes, we are in a big, big mess in Baghdad and Iraq. But the realty is that we are stuck there. The mendacious Kabuki Democrats realize that. Which is why their calls for withdrawal are always hedged with more weasel words than a Wall Street lawyer’s, such as “not precipitously” or “phased?”
Bushie, here’s how you win:
1. Attack the Kabuki Democrats as I have just stated.
2. Put an end to Palestinian/Israeli bickering and adopt the Andy Martin Peace Plan, which I first announced in 2000. Just do it. Officially recognize the State of Palestine as encompassing the 1967 borders, and send an Arabic-speaking Foreign Service Officer as ambassador to Abu Mazen, to be accredited in Jerusalem. Next week. Within hours, you will be a hero in the Arab world. “Abu Bush” will be the new caliph. We will have moved from “Help is on the way” to “Help has arrived” using the awesome powers of our Constitution. Within hours.
3. Go to Baghdad. Again. Only this time no phony turkeys and posed shots. Do a “President Reagan-at-the- Brandenburg Gate” (“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall”) and tell the Iraqi people we have made mistakes and we will help them to recover. Be humble. Do it in person, and be sincere and at risk. You need to leave the Green Zone. (Visit my old apartment in Baghdad.) More hurrahs from the Arab world.
4. Recognize that the war you are fighting, that you hideously brought on yourself, will not be won at “Fort Apache The White House.” It will be won on the streets of the Middle East. Period. No exceptions. Be there.
5. Finally, send Vice President Cheney to an undisclosed location and lock him in a closet. The man does not help the cause. He is a hopelessly counterproductive supporter.
You can’t win the war militarily, but with the surge and bold, decisive political actions in the Middle East you can reverse field and win the war psychologically.
Then bring our fighting men and women home and hug all of them from me and from every American. We love’em.
Now about that medal you gave Bremer, Bushie.
Editorial note: Inside the Bush White House, Part Two: The Saudi Connection, was scheduled for today; that has been rescheduled for tomorrow as Inside the Bush White House, Part Three.
Chicago-based Internet journalist, broadcaster and critic Andy Martin is the Executive Editor and publisher of © Copyright by Andy Martin 2007. Martin covers national and world politics with forty years of personal experience; he is America’s most respected independent foreign policy, military and intelligence analyst. Columns also posted at;; Web sites:, Comments? E-mail: Media contact: (866) 706-2639


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